FW Murnau's Nosferatu (1922) is to be rereleased in mainstream cinemas this summer, after a full and in depth conversion to 3D. The silent classic, currently available on DVD in a multitude of editions, is said to be a sure draw for mainstream audiences upon its imminent rerelease.
The Weimar director, deceased, said 'This is how we always intended the film to be shown, with Count Orlock's fingers poking out of the screen and such.' The late German film maker justified the inevitable decision, claiming 'how awesome would it be to see all those classic moments; the Vampire's shadow on the wall, Max Shrek in the doorway, but leaping off the screen at you instead of remaining in 3D? I always wanted the technology to be ready for this kind of thing.'
The cutting edge, innovative 3D technology has enjoyed occasional mainstream success throughout the last century, specifically in the 1940s and 1980s. The original Thirteen Ghosts was made in 3D and numerous films and terrestrial TV programmes in the 80s (including episodes of BBC sitcom The Young Ones) were also in 3D. There are fears among some that the current run of successful 3D films is just a phase, and that future generations will be completely baffled by a small subgenre of early 21st century films in which characters inexplicably point things at the camera at random intervals. However, experts maintain that this time round it is not merely a trend, it is a leap forward in visual technology. For example, as a spokesperson for home entertainment company LG states, 'if it was a passing trend do you really think we'd make 3D TVs? Do you really think people would sit in their own living rooms with those stupid glasses on if it were just a trend? This is the future of film and television, just like it should have been in the eighties.'
The rerelease of Nosferatu follows in the wake of other much loved, but previously non-3D classics being wheeled out once again, such as self-professed 'king of the world' James Cameron's fifteen year old Titanic (the real life deaths of hundreds of poor people proving even more hard-hitting in 3D), and the entire Star Wars sextet, including the universally disliked prequal trilogy, which has seldom been out of cinemas since its birth in the late '70s. When director George Lucas was asked why he didn't rerelease his films during the 3D craze in the 80s, he stated he was 'too busy making new films back then.' Since the release of the final Star Wars in 2005, Lucas has retired from having ideas and has instead turned his talents to consistently rereleasing his old films, albeit with minor CGI (now 3D) adjustments to justify ticket prices upwards of £15 to see something most of the target audience can watch at home.
Cameron, set also to rerelease his recent hit Avatar next year in 3D-er, picked up on the potential opportunity for box office success when he realised he could profit massively from tweaking previously-told stories after the release of the aforementioned sci fi hit. 'If you can make money simply by giving Pocahontas a blue tail, then surely you can make even more money by having Kate Winslet's boobs jumping off the screen', the Oscar-winner claimed. 'When that mid-coitus hand hits the steamy car window in 3D, I swear to Satan your minds will be blown.'
Odeon Cinemas are confident that new fans will flock to see Nosferatu in 3D and because of the new digital enhancements are considering a 2013 onslaught of 'literally any film that springs to mind'.
