An Exercise in Self-Deprecation

I am depressed, self-centred, unmotivated and underhanded. I make snide comments at respectable people to gage reactions which I in turn can not deal with.

I am an alcoholic, and despite knowing this I feel no need to make an effort to tackle this.

I am extremely arrogant and cynical to the point of hubris, and hold the natural assumption that everyone should be party to my opinions, yet I will simultaneously chide opinions I do not agree with while lambasting those that state opinion as fact, a habit I'm guilty of more than most.

I feel anger and resent at those who are professionally more successful than me, and try to internally justify my own lack of success with self-righteous, stock ideologies that, if I am honest with myself, I only profess to believe in.

I scold myself for not progressing professionally, yet I make no effort to set the ball in motion for this progression.

In my free time, whilst boasting to others that I am a writer, I seldom participate in anything productive. I would sooner watch television for hours on end than pursue my claims.

I get murky and angry at my friends when they appear to not show me any support, yet in truth I know that if this is the case, it is most likely due to my chronic inability to make any kind of effort on their behalf. Despite knowledge of this irony, I remain too self righteous to relent and pity my friends.

I rarely visit my family, even those that live close to me.

I am extremely vocal about my heroes, be they living, dead, fictional or factual, yet I never attempt to emulate their ideals and deeds, with the exception of Charles Dickens, who I most arrogantly consider myself to be his literary successor despite having nothing remotely credible to my name.

I seek undeserved sympathy for my misery that is derived from my selfishness and rash actions.

I feel self-deprecation is a form of entertainment and that my own cynicism should be enjoyed by my blog readers.

I start far too many sentences with 'I', a much frowned-upon grammatical flaw.

Whenever things don't go my way, or when the good people in my life criticise my actions or opinions, I run away and descend into anger and jealousy that lasts for days.

My bad feelings are often internal and I seldom vent healthily, which makes matters worse.

Although I do make a pretty awesome cappuccino.

Every cloud has a silver lining, Merry Christmas! xxxx